Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

It is just 13 days until Christmas, so I figured I had better get my letter in the mail. I have been a very good boy this year. I watched a lot of November basketball even when most folks were more concerned with that sport with the oblong ball and chattering about which teams will play for its (pseudo) "championship." I have attended all of my team's home games. I have endured Dukevision as gracefully as any boy should. I religiously scour Kenpom.com and CollegeRPI.com and will continue to do so on a daily basis as those numbers become more and more relevant. I am wearing my Mid-Majority shirt as I type this letter. Like I said, I've been the model fan so far this year.

As a college hoops junkie, I have several items on my wish list this year.

1. A Louisville Slugger baseball bat. Now, Santa, I know that YOU know that I do not play baseball. This is for me to use in case the NCAA Selection Committee shafts the Missouri Valley again this season. I could use this bat to either A) smash my television in frustration or B) drive to Indianapolis and use said bat to bludgeon Gary Walters and the Selection Committee in person. I realize that this could jeopardize my "very good boy" status for next Christmas.

2. A Magic Muzzle. To be used on Digger Phelps, Dick Vitale, or Billy Packer as I see fit.

3. An NCAA bracket line for Western Kentucky. And, if it's not too much to ask, could it come opposite a bloated, overrated, power conference team?

4. Continued success and high "rankings" for Wichita State and Butler. We need to know what the committee will do with Top 15 (Top 10?) teams from non-power conferences.

5. A "sleep bank." My first child arrives in a month and I'd like to save some sleep in the coming weeks. Or, better yet, a "basketball-to-sleep converter," which cashes in "hours of basketball watched" for sleep. Yeah, that's the ticket!

6. An All-American card for Courtney Lee.

7. A white Christmas.

8. A "make-up" call. From: The Selection Committee. To: Missouri State.

OK, that is enough for now, Santa. I hope that you enjoy the milk and cookies that I left out for you. They are organic, fat-free, trans fat free, and tempo-free. Safe travels.

Your friend,